I am going to get rip-roaring, riotously, ridiculously drunk. I am going to get vengefully drunk. I am going to drink until my ancestors pass out.
I have sent out invitations to everyone I know -- join me in a night of old-fashioned, flagrant irresponsibility -- right after I finish work and walk the dog. But they're, to the last, afraid to follow me off this masochistic precipice. I will repel alone into the mouth of the cavern.
Tonight, I plan to post the words, "Don't jump! It's not worth it!" on absolutely all the Myspace profiles I can find. It should really confuse people.